The Horrors of Babysitting
by TheseScarletDropsofINK
Summary: Accidentally turning the pureblood Kaname Kuran into a baby, Hanabusa Aido and Zero Kiryu are left to babysit. How hard can watching a little baby be?


_Based on a true story...sort of. Just wrote this for the fun of it._

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><p><strong>The Horrors of Babysitting<strong>

_By Scarlet Mist_

"There, there."

"Shh, shh, shh."

"It's okay, it's okay."

Zero watched out of the corner of his eyes as the sharp, blue eyed blond paced back and forth in the dinning room of the chairman's home while patting the back of the small baby in his arms almost reverently. As Zero's lilac eyes tracked his movement with irritation, he found the question arising over and over until it finally spilled from his lips, "What are you doing here?"

Aido stopped his pacing to toss a glare at the prefect who was lounging on the couch and lazily watching him. "I _already_ told you!" His sudden outburst made the baby in his arms jump and the blond continued his endless march to quiet down the infant, correcting his tone as he spoke again. "I was working on an experiment to see if I could revert the aging process of humans when my findings somehow- with absolutely _no_ help on _my_ part- got mixed with Kaname-sama's meal and...well, it works on purebloods."

Hanabusa held the baby in his arms out to Zero, it's tiny fist in his mouth, drool slathered over his hand. Zero's face scrunched up at the sight of the regal pureblood being reduced to a drooling little infant. As amusing as it was, he set his eyes back to Aido, irritation making the vein visible on his forehead, he wasn't happy with this situation. "But why are _you_ here?"

Hanabusa's own vein popped out at the lowly D's lack of intelligence, hadn't he just explained this earlier before Cross and his daughter had ran off for baby supplies? "Because the other night class students can't find out about Kaname-sama."

For a long moment, Zero just stared at him. Then, as if it just dawned on him, he looked away, a dull look in his eyes. "Oh, I see."

Aido blinked. "See?" His eyes narrowed. "See what?"

Zero shrugged. "It was all _your_ fault so they threw you out and made you baby sit _that _thing."

Aido's hand retreated, pulling baby Kaname into the protection of his crossed arms as he glowered at Zero. "How dare you call Kaname-sama a 'thing'!" And for the record, they hadn't _thrown_ him out, they had simply suggested- quite physically- that he go to Cross's home and watch over Kaname-sama- a privilege! Especially since... Aido grinned as he held Kaname-sama up to eye level. "I got the chance to see what you looked like as a baby! You're so adorable!" He needed to take a picture of him and add it to his secret photo collection! He grinned cheerfully at the baby who just blinked back at him. "You're so cute, Kaname-sama! Kaname-chan! Baby-tama!"

Zero sighed as he watched Aido coddle and coo and the pureblood-turned-baby, even reducing himself to making stupid baby faces and weird noises. He couldn't believe he was stuck here with them. He was about to tell the idiot with the thing in its arms to shut up when the vase behind Hanabusa suddenly snapped, water slipping from it's cracked edges. They both tensed and glanced at the baby who looked like he was glaring at Aido.

"Right. Well then...Kaname-sama..."

"Aw, look," Hanabusa smiled as he lifted the wailing baby in the crook of him arms to show Zero. "He's crying."

"It's loud," Zero grumbled. "Shut it up."

Aido glared at the hunter, bouncing the baby pureblood. "Maybe he can tell what an as- ah!" His blue eyes widened and he glanced down at the baby. "I mean, a butt head, he can tell what a butt head you are."

Zero glared at them. "Just make it stop."

Five minutes later and that damn thing was wailing at the top of its lungs, Aido's attempts at quieting him failing miserably. "I don't get it," Aido called over the loud cries to a very pissed looking Zero. "I can't get him to stop! There, there, Kaname-sama, there, there! Seriously, there!" The blond vampire glanced desperately at the annoyed hunter. "How do I make him stop?"

"I'll do it." A gun cocked.

"Noooo!" Aido shouted whirling his body around and shielding baby Kaname-sama. "Don't you dare!"

Zero sighed and put his gun down. There would be other times, he hoped, as he put the Bloody Rose away. He glanced back at the blond who was desperately trying to calm the annoying pureblood up. Finally, giving up, Zero offered, "maybe it's hungry."

"Hm?" Aido-sempai glanced back at him, a bit of surprise in his wide eyes. He frowned and glanced back down at the baby thoughtfully. "Maybe you're right."

"Then feed it," Zero mumbled glancing towards the clock.

"_Him!"_

"Whatever."

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><p>"Ah, there we go. All gone." Aido cheerfully pulled the empty bottle from the baby's lips and grinned . "Now wasn't that good, Kaname-sama?"<p>

The baby burst into tears.

"Ah, what the hell?" Hanabusa took a deep breath and frowned at the the precious-crybaby- pureblood. "What does he want now?"

"You just fed it, it needs to be burped," Zero pointed out as he drew near. Hanabusa nodded at him and then frowned. "How?"

"Give that to me," he ordered holding his hands out. Aido glared at him, refusing to hand over the disgusting pureblood. Zero sighed. "Give _him_ to me."

"Fine, but if you hurt him," Aido warned slowly handing Kaname-sama over. "I'll kill you."

Instead of responding, Zero placed the baby down against his shoulder, turning his small head onto its side and away from his neck, regardless of its toothless state, so he could breathe right. Then, gently, he began to pat on the fragile, warm little body laying against him. He could feel the slight breath from the infant as he breathed against him, his sobs turning into quiet little whimpers before-_burp._

"Oh!" Aido's face lit up like a little kids.

"See." Zero pulled the baby away, lifting him a bit higher in the air to make sure he wasn't going to start wailing again. "All he needed was to be-"

Both Aido and Zero's eyes widened as the graying-white, sticky substance slowly slid down his cheek, dribbling off his chin and onto his vest. Then Aido was laughing on the floor and Zero was contemplating murder as the demon baby began to cry again. With an irritated scowl, Zero walked past Aido, handing him the baby as he quickly left to clean his face.

"That was a good one, Kaname-sama," Aido snickered at the baby.

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><p>"It needs a diaper change."<p>

Zero tried to ignore him. "Well then go and change it."

Aido couldn't hide the look of disgust on his face. "You change it."

"I'm not going to change that thing's diapers," Zero pointed out with a scowl. "He's your idol, why don't you change him?"

"Because I _can't_..." Aido flushed. "It's Kaname-sama, I can't...look-_and besides_, it's number 2, so it make sense that you change him! You obviously know more about babies than I do!"

"First of all," Zero hissed, "what makes you think _I_ want to see him? I don't want anything to do with either of you, but since I can't kick you out, I have to put up with you. Second, that _doesn't_ make any sense and I don't know anything about babies except you shouldn't be making them if you can't _handle_ them!"

Stunned, Aido just blinked. Zero had just ranted at him. Hanabusa was about to say something witty about that when a sudden, brilliant solution came to mind. "Rock, paper, scissors!"

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><p>"Damn, <em>stupid<em>, Kiryu, he was cheating, I swear," Aido grumbled as he worked to unfasten the sticky straps of the diaper. "I promise you, Kaname-sama, I'll beat him next time. He was just cheating- who wins with paper?" Aido finished undoing the diaper and hesitated. He took a deep breath and glanced up at Kaname-sama. "Okay...I'm going to have to look, but worry not, Kaname-sama, I understand that you are presently in a baby form, so your current siz-"

"What the hell are you saying?"

Aido jumped, glaring at Kiryu who was standing in the doorway of one of the guestrooms. "If you don't hurry up, that things gonna get sick and it'll be an even greater pain to watch over. Hurry it up."

"Lousy, no good..." Hanabusa sighed, glad Kiryu had disappeared, and returned to his task. "Alright then, let's do this quickly!"

A few minutes later, Zero was upstairs glaring at the blond noble who was kneeled over and throwing up into the pot of a plant as he continued crying out, "I can't-" puke "-the smell-" gag "-too much-" more puke "can't breathe!"

Needless to say, Zero ended up changing the stupid pureblood.

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><p>"Aw, it looks so cute," Aido whispered as he looked at the sleeping baby an hour later. There was a noise that sounded disturbingly a lot like...He groaned. Again? He glared at the stupid hunter besides him. "Hey, start helping."<p>

"I am helping."

"Telling me how to do something _isn't_ helping!"

"Stop yelling," Zero hissed shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Not until you start helping!"

"I already changed it, didn't I?"

"Then do it again!"

A keening cry broke Zero's retort and they both glanced down at the once again wailing baby.

"I told you to stop yelling," Zero growled. "Now you woke it up!"

Aido's shoulders fell. "No fair! I'm the one who wants to cry now!"

"Stop complaining and take care of it."

"Hold on!" Hanabusa called before Zero could retreat. He held up his fist, a determined glint sparkling in his eye. With a sigh, the hunter pulled one hand from his pocket and made a fist.

"Rock."

"Paper."

"Scissors."

"_**Damn it!" **_

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><p>"There, I finished feeding it," Aido grumbled handing him over to Kiryu who arched a brow, but took the brat anyway. With a small smirk, he asked, "'It'?"<p>

Aido jumped. "Ah, Kaname-sama! I meant, Kaname-sama!"

"You're an idiot," Zero muttered as he began to burp the pureblood. "It's not like he'll remember any of this."

Hanabusa tensed. "Still...he's still a pureblood."

Zero almost rolled his eyes at the petulant-child like stance Hanabusa made as he stared at the baby on Zero's shoulder. "It's a baby."

"Stop addressing him in that way!" Aido growled.

"I-" Zero's eye twitched.

Aido looked panicked, worried for Kaname. "What is it?"

Zero practically growled as he pulled the baby back, a goop of baby puke sliding down his jacket. Hanabusa snorted and began to laugh. "He doesn't seem to like you even as a baby!"

Moving towards the irritating noble, Zero thrust the baby towards him. "Take it."

"Ew! Don't let him touch me!" The baby was still puking, Hanabusa noticed as it hiccuped and a tiny bit more of it slipped past its tiny lips, he almost jumped back to avoid it.

"Its your precious Kaname-sama! You take it before I toss it out the window!"

Gingery, Hanabusa cradled the baby between his hands, holding him as far away from himself as possible. "...forgive me Kaname-sama. But this is a bit..."

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><p>****<strong>An hour later<strong>

"There, there," Hanabusa paced, near to tears with how tired he was trying to make the precious- unbearable- pureblood stop crying. "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep before you kill me~"

Zero stepped back into the room, his now clean jacket in hand as he glanced at the two demons. Aido turned to him, looking utterly tired and a small bit of pity surfaced as the blond practically rolled the baby into Zero's arms and unceremoniously plopped down onto the couch.

For a moment, Zero stared down at the baby, taking in its chubby cheeks and dark, beady eyes. A small smile almost pulled at his lips when he realized the baby was bald, all of the pureblood's hair, gone. He let out what may have been a maniacal chuckle before he caught himself. In all honesty, Zero wasn't that bad with babies. However...

"If you were anyone else..." From the couch, he could hear Aido breathing slowly. Surprised, he glanced down to find the blond laid out on the couch, his eyes closed and a small sigh slipping through his parted lips. Crap, he's asleep. Zero frowned at Kaname. "Some noble. He's drooling." The baby cooed at him. "You look really pathetic right now, you know that?" It blinked. "This would be a perfect time...I could take you out right now and you wouldn't be able to stop me. Even your little pawn fell asleep, Kuran."

The baby sniffled, its lower lip slowly curling.

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><p>Yuuki rushed through the front door, dropping her share of the supplies at the doorstep of the Chairman's home, rushing into the house and looking for where they'd last left baby Kanama with Aido-sempai and Zero. She had been reluctant to go into town, but she was the only one with any idea of what a baby would need, so she had to go. However, leaving Aido and Zero to take care of Kaname scared her. The house was silent, it was almost eerie. She made her way into the living room and gasped, freezing in her tracks immediately. The sight took her breath away...Zero...<p>

Baby Kaname was sleeping quietly on Zero's shoulder, a baby blanket thrown over them both as Zero gently stroked the baby's head carefully. When he glanced up at Yuuki, his eyes narrowed and he swiftly lifted to his feet, waking the baby with a small start. As he strode towards Yuuki, he handed her the baby and quickly left the room without a word.

Yuuki gaped.

"Ah, Kiryu-kun, did you have fun playing mothe-oof!" A second later the chairman appeared, rubbing his stomach. He beamed. "I think he enjoyed himself."

"I don't think-"

"No!"

Yuuki jumped, whirling around to glance at Aido-sempai, who was curled against the cushions of the couch, whimpering. "Shh, shh. Go to sleep, go to..." He rolled over and sighed, mumbling something coherent and falling back into his dreams. Or nightmares.

"We were gone for four hours, why do they look on the brink of death?" She wondered as she unconsciously held Kaname protectively in her arms. Beside her, the chairman leaned over towards the baby and began to make funny faces. "Here, Kuran-chan, try this! Papa bought you this wittle wattle!" Shake, shake, shake. "Oh yes he-_gah!_"

Yuuki pulled back, cradling Kaname protectively as she glared at the chairman. He smiled sheepishly and put the rattle away, grimacing at the sharp shards that lay on the carpeted floor. They would need to find a new glass for that picture frame.

**One week later,** when Kaname-sama finally returned to his own state, Aido was given the most cruelest of punishments by being assigned to volunteer at a nursery over the weekends for the next five months helping to babysit newborn vampires.

As for Kiryu, Kaname still couldn't look him in the eye.

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><p><strong> Scarlet:<strong> _In case you're curious, my sister was the one throwing up, I was the one being thrown up on._


End file.
